Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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