He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
