i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My penis needs a shock collar
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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