There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
