You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
