i think my mom watched the whole time
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
