i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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