Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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