Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry my hands just texted you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
