I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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