their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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