If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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