My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there is glitter all over my balls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
