There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
