3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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