well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
