Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
