it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
