I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
