For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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