wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
