whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
