I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
