I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
