I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
