You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
