I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
