just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I believe in your delicious
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Couch. On fire.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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