she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
