Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
