I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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