Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
