The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
