I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
