how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
