Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
