how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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