Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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