drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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