1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
