i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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