...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
