Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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