:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Houston, we have a blender
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
