My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
