I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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