i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
