Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
