I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
