somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
