You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
