I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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