Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
