i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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