He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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