I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
