margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
