just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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