so explain again why im purple
no
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
