dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
