Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
