Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
