So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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