Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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