glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
