so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
