You smell like stripper and shame
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
