wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
