You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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