You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
