Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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