found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
